Article by Real Mancs Are Blue
In the latest of a series of embarrassing moves by Stretford United fans, a number of hooded gawps have been spotted loitering outside the home of multi millionaire and former Stretford United hero Wayne Rooney. The motive is unclear although it appears some thought Rooney’s home had been converted into a job centre.
The group, who are rumoured to be all working towards a single GCSE in idiocy, pottered around in the middle of the night dressed as Primarks version of trappist monks. The Daily Mail reports one of this gang of mongoloids had scrawled ‘Joyn Citty n’ Dye’ on the back of his sick note in crayon.
Wayne ‘United are sinking’Rooney was said to be highly amused as he looked on from the third floor of his mansion, sipping Tizer from a champagne flute as the monks froze in the cold October air.
Over the coming months ‘Our Wayne’ will have his choice of top flight clubs, be it Real Madrid, Chelsea or Manchester, Wayne is looking for a club that is going to contend at the very top for years to come and who can blame him. It seems some of the plastic arm of M.U.S.T are not happy about his departure from Stretford and wanted to make their feelings clear with a series of neanderthal grunts. It is thought some of the gaggle had already signed Sky contracts for the next twelve months in the belief they would be watching a top club, giro money they now feel could have been better spent on Nike Air and ‘man bags’.
Quite how these ‘fans’ will react in the coming years as Stretford slowly decline is unclear although there is rumours some are going to don a multicoloured scarf on top of their official replica shirt in protest. Others are going to stand around at night outside the mansions of players that don’t want to be treated like children by an alcoholic old man.
Tick tock tick tock.
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